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| Welcome to Golf Is A Funny Game's Top 10 List #1: Amateur Golfer's Top 10 Reasons For Attempting To Pull Off The 'Miracle' Shot. Nearly every shot you hit on the golf course is an exercise in Risk / Reward analysis. Where should I aim...where is the best place to miss...should I go for it from here...will anyone notice if I attempt to kick my ball out from under this tree? Every shot gives the golfer a plethora of options and choices. Today we'd like to take a look at one particular shot, the 'Miracle Shot' (also known as the 'Nearly Impossible' shot, or the 'Not a F*cking Chance in Hell' shot.) You know what we're talking about here...the shot whose Risk / Reward balance is heavily skewed towards disaster and whose probability for success is essentially zero. That 250 yard carry over water to reach the par 5 in two strokes...the shot outta rough so thick you can hardly see your ball standing directly above it...that punch shot under the first group of trees that will magically rise to clear the tops of the 2nd set of trees. You get the picture. We've compiled a list of 10 mental justifications amateur golfers (like us) use in rationalizing the attempt to pull off these crazy shots instead of simply playing it safe. |
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| Top 10 Reasons Golfers Attempt to Pull Off The 'Miracle Shot' 1.) The Hero Factor: Probably the number one reason golfers (and guys in general) attempt to do things they're clearly incapable of...glory. No one's going to remember how you played it safe and managed to salvage a par, but they will remember that crazy shot you pulled out of your ass on #18. Every man dies... Not every man really lives. -William Wallace, avid golfer 2.) No Guts, No Glory: Many golfers have heard this cliche (or something similar...'Fortune Favors the Bold,' etc) and adopt it as their personal creed on the golf course. What many golfers haven't heard is the 2nd half of those sayings, which ends with something along the lines of 'Within Reason, You Dumbass.' It's great to be gutsy and take chances on the golf course, but you have to show a little bit of common sense as well. All good things in moderation...including being ballsy. 3.) Upgraded Equipment: This shot was clearly beyond your capabilities last week, but that was before you picked up those sweet new irons / hybrids / balls / shoes / training aids / etc. Without a doubt, the advances in your new golf equipment's technology will make up for any lack of golfing talent and this shot is now well within your repertoire. Or not. 4.) Desperation: There's nothing more depressing than watching a grown man slowly dig his own grave on the golf course. Many a golfer will lose hope at some point during their round and just start taking ridiculous chances for no other reason than 'I realllllly need to pull this off if I'm going to break 100 today.' They're like degenerate gamblers at the racetrack, placing outrageous bets on long shots in the hopes of salvaging an otherwise horrendous afternoon. Quit while you're ahead...or at least before you get any further behind. 5.) Alcohol: Alright, we're not going to judge too harshly on this one. When you've got enough booze flowing through your veins to kill a pack mule, it can be difficult to make sound decisions (let the man who hasn't woken up next to a midget hermaphrodite with a wooden leg after a night of heavy drinking cast the first stone...) Jack Daniels: Fueling Bad Decisions Since 1875 (on and off the golf course.) List Continues Below... |
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| It's gonna take a lot more than some new gear to pull this one off... |
| 6.) Virtual Reality: You've already pulled this shot off countless times under pressure...in video games. Don't let your 'virtual' greatness in video game golf empower you with a false sense of confidence or delusions of competency when it comes to playing 'real golf.' Virtual Golfer: Just like you, only better. 7.) Knowledge: You spend countless hours watching instructional golf videos on YouTube, you read all the latest golf magazines and golf books and maybe you even splurged on a lesson with your local golf pro. You're loaded with volumes of useful tips and tricks to help improve your golf game. Unfortunately, knowledge is not utility and unless you've spent countless hours assimilating all that new knowledge into your golf game with practice, it probably won't help you pull off any miraculous shots anytime soon. At least you 'know' how this shot should be pulled off and that's probably enough to convince you to give it a try. 8.) Thinking With Your Dick: There's no doubt about it, guys will do just about anything to impress an attractive woman. So if you happen to play at a golf course that employs such a woman to drive the beverage cart around the course, then sooner or later you'll be faced with attempting a 'miracle' shot when she's waiting and watching...and like every other red-blooded dude with half a pulse, you'll go for it. Because, you just may pull off the miracle and she'll be so impressed that she'll feel the need to blow you right then and there. We can only dream... Even if you don't buy any drinks, be sure to offer her 'just the tip.' 9.) Golf Karma: This one's similar to the desperation rationale of #4, but it's not as depressing and offers more hope (and therefore justification) that it just might work. Golf Karma is when you've hit a few bad shots in a row (or you've gotten a few bad bounces or breaks in a row) and you feel that you are 'due' for a change of fate. What better way to talk yourself into hitting an impossible shot than the conviction that this next one just HAS to work out well for you. Let us know how that works out for ya. 10.) WWTD? ('What Would Tiger Do?'): If there's one sobering fact about the game of golf it is this... you are not now, nor will you ever be, Tiger Woods. Sadly, that doesn't stop any of us from attempting to pull off something we've seen Tiger do on SportsCenter. We've even heard golfer's use this phrase (seriously) out on the course when deciding what to do with their next shot. If you want to ask and answer the question, that's fine...but then you must ask yourself, 'What Would a High Handicap Hack Life Myself Do?'...and then do that instead. I am Tiger Woods... and you are not. Return to the Golf Is A Funny Game Home Page for More Funny Golf Lists and Golfing Jokes... |
