|Welcome to Golf Is A Funny Game's world famous collection of Funny Golf Jokes About Women.
Surely, there are some golf jokes out there that don't paint women as whores, airheads and pitifully slow golfers. Unfortunately, we couldn't find any of those
jokes, so we're left with the collection you see before you. For any guy who's been stuck behind a foursome of old broads playing at a snail's pace, we hope
these jokes may help to ease the pain and suffering that these women have caused you. If you do nothing else, at least read the ones about 'Riders', the
'Wives and Mistresses' and the 'What Would Tiger Do?' They're pretty damn funny.
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|Funny Golf Jokes About Women | Women on the Golf Course Humor
That's Gotta Hurt
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as
the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he
immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman
rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist and
offered to help ease his "pain."
"Please allow me to help, I am a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" She told him
earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, nnnoo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied as he remained in the fetal position
still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
The woman takes it upon herself to begin to "ease his pain". She began to massage his groin.
After a few moments she asked, "does that feel better?" The man looked up at her and replied, "yes, that feels pretty good ...
but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
What the Hell is a 'Rider'?
A foursome of ladies came back after a round of golf. At the 19th hole in the Clubhouse, the Pro asked them "How did your
The first said she had a good round with 25 'riders'. The second said she did OK with 16 'riders'. The third said not too bad
since she had 10 'riders'. The fourth was disappointed and said that she played badly with only two 'riders'.
The Pro was confounded by this term "rider" but not wanting to show his ignorance just smiled and wish them better golf the
next time. He then approached Jerry the bartender and asked "Jerry, can you tell me what does this term 'riders' mean?"
Jerry smiled and explained that a "rider" is when you have hit a shot far enough to merit a ride on the golf cart.
The lady golfer was a determined, if not very proficient player. At each swipe she made at the ball earth flew in all directions.
"Gracious me," she exclaimed red-faced to her caddie, "the worms will think there's an earthquake."
"I don't know," replied the caddie, "the worms round here are very clever. I'll bet most of them are hiding underneath the ball
Wives & Mistresses
I'll go and ask if we can go through," said Max to Jerry. The two golfers had been concerned for some time at the snail-like
progress of two women, originally some holes ahead and now just in front of them on the ninth fairway. Max returned after
only a few paces towards the ladies.
"Jerry, this is very embarrassing, but would you mind going. That's my wife up ahead and she's playing with my mistress."
Jerry returned having got no further forward than Max. "I say," he said, "what a coincidence."
A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked
what had happened and he was informed that the woman had been stung by a bee and was having a reaction.
"Where was she bit?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole." was the reply.
He then replied, "Wow! She must have been standing right over the hive."
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking
their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten
feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically,
"I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your
problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
With Friends Like These...
Maurie was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a twelve inch putt, his partner asked him what the
"It's the wife" said Maurie. "As you know, she's taken up golf, and since she's been playing, she's cut my sex down to once a
"Well you should think yourself lucky," said his partner. "She's cut some of us out altogether!"
What Would Tiger Do?
A couple was on their honeymoon lying in bed, about ready to consummate
their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession
to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods...the golfer?"
"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the
husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" says the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry. I was going to call room service and get some
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his
wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"What are you doing?" she says.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife
one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to
the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"
A businessman traveled to Japan to meet and play golf with a few Japanese business ssociates. Having nothing to do the
night before his game, he decided to solicit the services of a prostitute.
Later, when they were in the throes of passion, she suddenly screamed out "Kawasaki!" Not knowing the translation, he
figured it meant he was performing exceptionally well, and so he kept going.
Again she screamed, "Kawasaki! Kawasaki!" And again, he smiled proudly at this congratulation and continued.
Finally, she shrieked "KAWASAKI!" a third time, jumped out of bed and ran from the room. "Must have been too good for
her!" he thought to himself, and went to sleep contented with himself.
The next day, while in the middle of his round of golf, one of his Japanese associates hit a perfect 6-iron off the tee right into
the cup for a hole-in-one! Remembering his new word and wanting to impress his associates with his linguistic proficiency, the
man yelled out Kawasaki!"
Perplexed, the Japanese golfer turned to him and asked, "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
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