|Welcome to Golf Is A Funny Game's world famous collection of Golf Pro Jokes.
Just so we're clear, we're not talking about the guys on the PGA Tour (Phil Mickelson doing stand-up at the Improv) We're talking about the golf pro at your
local course and/or the teaching pro who spends countless hours trying to teach hopeless mouth-breathers how to hit a golf ball. To all the unsung heroes
out there teaching golf's next generation of high-handicappers, we salute you. And to all the poor saps who shell out their hard-earned money to their local
teaching pro in hopes they'll be able to fix what's clearly un-fixable (all the while laughing at you), some of these may sound familiar.
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|Golf Pro Jokes | Teaching Pro Humor | Golf Lesson Jokes
That's a Gimme
"You surely don't want me to hole that?" the pompous amateur blurted." His ball was about 8 inches from the cup, and to
which his opponent, the club professional, answered quietly, "Nah."
The amateur picked up and walked onto the next tee. He was about to tee up and take the honor when he was interrupted by
his the golf pro.
"It's my tee box, I think," said the teaching pro. "I won last hole, as you didn't putt out."
"But you said you didn't want me to hole out," spluttered the amateur.
"That's right. I didn't, and you didn't"
My Biggest Problem
Now," said the golf pro, "suppose you just go through the motions without actually striking the ball."
To which his pupil replied, "but that's precisely the difficulty I'm trying to overcome.".
Fred and Harry emerged from the clubhouse to tee off at the first, but Roger looked distracted.
"Anything the matter, chief.'" Harry asked.
"Oh, it's just that I can't stand the club pro," Fred replied. "He's just been trying to correct my stance."
"He's only trying to help your game," Harry offered.
"Yeah, but I was using the urinal at the time."
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons,
explaining that he knew absolutely nothing about the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The old rookie teed one up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from
"Now what ?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh...now you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great...so NOW you tell me." said the beginner in a disgusted tone.
Two blonde ladies were teeing off on a foggy par-3. They could see the flag, but not the green. The first blonde hits her ball
into the fog and the second blonde does the same. They proceed to the green to find their balls.
One ball is about 6 feet from the cup while the other ball's found it's way into the cup for a hole-in-one. Both were playing the
same type of balls, Top Flites, and couldn't determine which ball was which.
They decided to ask the golf pro to decide their fate. After congratulating both golfers on their fine shots, the golf pro asks,
"So, which one of you used the pink one?"
What the Hell is He Talking About?
There are three men who wanted to learn how to play golf, so they hired a golf instructor. The instructor asked the three men
to hit the golf ball as far as they can. One man hit way to the right, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"
Then the second man hit it way to the left, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"
Then the third man hit the golf ball two feet ahead of him, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"
The three puzzled men asked the instructor what "LOFT" meant.
The instructor simply said, "Lack Of Fucking Talent."
Spin It Like a Pro
An amateur was talking to his golf pro.
Amateur: "How do you get so much backspin?''
Pro: "Before I answer that, tell me this...how far do you hit your 5 iron?''
Amateur: "About 130.''
Pro: "Then why in the hell would you want the ball to spin back!?''
Oldest Golf Pro Joke In The World
Q: Why are golf pro's always telling you to keep your head down?
A: So you won't see them laughing at you.
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