|Welcome to Golf Is A Funny Game's golf education section: Ask The Golf Pro, Volume 1: Flop Shots and Attending PGA Events
We've opened up the reader mailbag and selected a few questions from inquisitive golfers to be answered by our favorite golf pro in our first installment of
'Ask The Golf Pro: Straight Shooting With Willy T. Shanks.' This is not your grandfather's golf advice column and Willy promises not to pull any punches or
sugarcoat his responses. Rather, he's here to give you honest answers to honest questions about your golf game and the game of life, dropping knowledge
on everything from the rules of the game to golfing attire, from golf course management and strategy to attending a PGA event and anything else that might
be on your collective minds. So sit back, relax...and let your golf education commence.
|Copyright 2009 GolfIsAFunnyGame.com
|Ask The Golf Pro, Volume 1: Attempting Flop Shots and PGA Event Attention Whores
Q: I'm a big fan of the flop shot around the green, but I always have trouble pulling it off (I often blade the piss out of it.) Can
you give me advice on what I may be doing wrong? And when it's a smart play to attempt the flop?
Ricky C., Detroit MI
WTS, Golf Pro: I dig your style Ricky! Never let a small thing like incompetence or a complete lack of golfing talent stop you
from trying to pull off shots that you're clearly incapable of. Sadly, any advice I give you on the execution of the shot is surely
going to be a waste of my time. As to your second question concerning when it's prudent to attempt the flop (or Flopodopolis or
Floposaurus Rex,) here's a little rule of thumb I offer to all of my golf students when trying to decide the proper course of action
when faced with this kind of risk/reward scenario or shot on the golf course:
a.) If you've ever executed the shot successfully in the past (even once, no matter how long ago)...OR
b.) If there's a hot beer cart girl watching...OR
c.) If you've ever even seen a similar shot pulled off (in person or on an ESPN highlight reel)...
If you can answer 'YES' to any of the above questions, then the answer is 'Go For It!'
Because everybody loves a hero, and nobody likes a pussy, Ricky.
Q: I'm gonna be attending a PGA event next weekend in my home town, and I always found it funny when someone in the crowd
shouts "You Da Man!" or "Get In The Hole" after one of them golfing professionals hits a shot. My buddy bet me 10 bucks I
couldn't make it onto the TV shouting one of them awesome catch phrases. Any ideas or suggestions on how I can win my bet?
Jimmy R., Buttfuct AR
WTS, Golf Pro: Wow Jimmy. Wow. On a scale of 1 to 10, you're clearly an idiot. But alas, I'm here to educate and not to judge.
So if you're set on winning this bet with your buddy (and I'm sure you are, that $10 means you can finally take your sister out on
that fancy date she's been pestering you about,) then let me offer my wisdom on the subject. First off, "You Da Man" is clearly
played out and well past the point where it's even remotely funny anymore (the one exception may be if you were attending an
LPGA event and Laura Davies had just hit, then it may be funny.) ----------------------------------->
Same goes for "Get In The Hole!" It's lame and clearly not funny anymore.
May I suggest a whole new repertoire of golf gallery catch phrases you may try:
(Whether or not you make it onto the audio broadcast of the event is yet to be seen, but at
least you won't sound like all the rest of those unoriginal douchebags.)
Bomb-a-rooski! (Best used after a driver is hit.)
Hi Mom! (Catch em off guard with this one.)
Yeeeeeeeee-hawwwwwwwwwww! (You're familiar with this one, I assume.)
Jackass! (Happy Gilmore style.)----------->
Fore! (Great for putts.)
Rape! (Worth a shot.)
Show Us Your Tits! (Ok, this one's probably best saved for an LPGA event...or if you
happen to be following Phil 'Moobs' Mickelson around.)---------------------------------->
Tony Danza! (As in "Who's the Boss?"...it's the new, hip version
of "You Da Man!")
Be The Ball! (of Caddyshack fame.)
Noonan! (Caddyshack again.)
Godzirra! (Good one after an Asian golfer's shot.)
Alright Jimmy, I've spent way more time than I ever thought possible answering such a mind-numbingly moronic question. The
rest is up to you. If you really wanna make sure you win the bet (and you're not afraid of a minor brush with the law), may I
suggest streaking across the 18th green just as someone important is about to putt. Make us proud.
Unfortunately, that's all the time we have for questions today. Feel free to submit your golf questions to
email@example.com and we'll do our best to answer them in our next series.
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